


Call Confidential

by lucybeetle



Series: This Is Your Real Starting Line [3]
Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: Crack, Gift Fic, M/M, Phone Sex, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeetle/pseuds/lucybeetle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chase spectacularly fails to initiate phone sex while Shinnosuke is away on a business trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call Confidential

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emothy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emothy/gifts).



> This is shamelessly ripped off from a sketch in Chris Morris's _Jam_. I'm not sure I'm allowed to link it here, but you can find it if you search "Jam - Doc Bored Sexline" on YouTube. With thanks to emothy (to whom the fic is dedicated) for encouraging me to actually write this.

Shinnosuke had dinner in the hotel restaurant, took a warm shower, and then didn’t know what to do with himself next. The obvious answer would be to go out and explore the very nice part of Kyoto where he was staying at the Metropolitan Police’s expense; but he didn’t really have the energy to do it. This was the time of year when his father had died, and the truth was that Shinnosuke was feeling fragile. He’d gone through the anniversary of Tomari Eisuke's death alone every year up until two years ago – when he’d only recently met Kiriko, and after learning about his father, she’d invited Shinnosuke to a charity concert with her so that he wouldn’t have to be on his own. Now that he had a family again, he didn’t like being without them at such an emotional time. He would have instantly traded the fancy hotel for the kiss Kiriko gave him when they got into the car to drive home, for Gou bouncing up to the door when “Shin-nii-san” came in, for Chase’s cooking.

Chase might have had some hitherto unknown powers of robot telepathy, because at that moment he called Shinnosuke’s phone.

“Hey, Chase.” Shinnosuke welcomed the contact with home. Kiriko had promised that she and the boys would call him that evening, but he’d been expecting her to be the one to do it, “Is everything OK?”

“We are all very well. How is your important conference going?”

“It’s … going well.” Now that Shinnosuke held a high rank in First Division, he’d been attending more events like this, and it would only become a bigger part of his job as his career progressed. He knew that the conference was being held for them to discuss vital issues, but the fact remained it had been a very long day and he’d have to go out and do the exact same thing tomorrow.

“Did you wear the scarf that Kiriko told you to wear?”

“Yes.” Shinnosuke smiled at the thought of Kiriko telling Chase to ask about it. When he got home he would give them both a kiss, for loving him and not forgetting him while he was away (even though it was only for two nights and a couple of hours on the train.)

“Good. By the way, I am getting very big and hard inside my leather pants.”

It took several moments for Shinnosuke to register these words. He spluttered, and almost dropped the phone, “What did you say?”

“I said that I am getting very big and hard. And now I have come on my knee.” 

Yes, Shinnosuke had heard right. Once he began to get over his initial disbelief, he started to wonder why Chase would say such a thing. He’d been told many times which words he shouldn’t repeat outside of the bedroom, and to Shinnosuke’s knowledge, Chase had never tried or even heard of phone sex. Certainly, he had never come out with something like this on his own before.

“Um, Chase … you can’t just say that. There’s a time and place, you know?” said Shinnosuke.

“I am not in public, therefore it is acceptable. Now I am gliding my fist over the bulging purple head.” There was a pause, during which Shinnosuke was too stunned to respond, then Chase said “I like purple. It is my favourite colour.” His voice did not lose its monotone at any point.

“Why are you saying these things?” Shinnosuke asked. His face was beginning to feel uncomfortably warm, even though the temperature outside was low and he hadn’t switched on the heating inside the room.

“Gou told me that you were likely to be lonely and sexually frustrated while you were away from home. He advised me that you might enjoy role playing over the phone.”

Well, that explained it. Gou was probably right there next to Chase and laughing his ass off, “Where is Gou, anyway?”

“He is attending a photographic exhibition. Otherwise he would have called you himself,” said Chase.

“Right … anyway, you don’t have to do this. I’m only away for two nights. I can go _that_ long without sex.” Shinnosuke sighed. Under different circumstances, this might actually have been erotic. He did find Chase’s deep, masculine voice a turn-on, and even now he could begin to feel the first stirrings of arousal. The only problem was that Chase’s method of delivery was about as sexy as something that definitely wasn’t.

“You are not aroused?”

“I appreciate you thinking of me, but – that’s not how this is supposed to work. You should say something more honest. Something about how you really feel.”

“I don’t understand.”

Shinnosuke tried to think of a way to explain it. “Well, you’re not _actually_ doing that stuff, are you? You’re just pretending. And OK, sometimes that can be hot, but you’re not very good at it.”

“I am helping Kiriko. She is ironing the laundry and I am folding it.”

“Kiriko’s there,” said Shinnosuke.

“Yes. She is next to me. Would you like to say hello?”

“… No. Not really.” Shinnosuke thought that he might have heard her giggling in the background. “Look, Chase … I’m gonna have an early night. I have to get up for the second day of the conference tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Shinnosuke. I love you and Kiriko and Gou love you too.”

That was something at least. It definitely brought the smile back to Shinnosuke’s face, “I love you all. I can’t wait to see you when I get back.”

“My cock has gone off like a big spunky firework.”

Shinnosuke was pretty sure that no one’s anatomy worked like that. He didn’t know how it would _go off like a firework,_ and even trying to think of an answer made him want to cross his legs and never have sex ever again, “Bye.” He hung up the call.

He would phone Gou later and have words about putting certain ideas into Chase’s head; but perhaps he'd do it after another shower, colder this time.


End file.
